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Hello all,
Sadly, the time has come where I think I’ve finally snapped. After weeks of giving up foods I like, exercising so hard I am sooo sore everyday, and generally being unhappy because of this “new lifestyle”, I’m throwing in the towel. I’m done. I managed to lose a good bit of weight, but overall, this is just exhausting and I can’t do it. I quit. I’m sorry. I hate it because I’ve made so many friends via this blog and reading all of your blogs. I will still try and follow most of your progress through twitter and blog subscriptions…but before I go, my final weigh in, not that it freakin’ matters. (sheds tear)

Week 29 Results:
Start (9/1/09): 234.8 

Week 24 (2/18/10) 204.1 (-0.5)
Week 25 (2/25/10) 204.4 (+0.3)
Week 26 (3/4/10) 206.4 (+2)
Week 27 (3/11/10) 203.3 (-3.1)
Week 28 (3/18/10) 201.1 (-2.2)
Week 29 (3/25/10) 198.6 (-2.5)

Total Loss: 36.2 pounds in 29 weeks

Comments: JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!  LOL!  Guess what? I HIT ONEDERLAND!!! (Or however you awesome bloggers spell it!)  OMGBECKY!! I am *SO SO SO SO excited!!!!*   Can you say huge milestone (and one of my brackets off Jess’ challenge is done!) You think I’m giving up now? No chance! I have busted my ASS off this week and I’m so happy the scale was nice to me. I had a good weekend where I exercised (!!!!) and didn’t drink alcohol (!!!!) and didn’t bake goodies (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)…in fact, this week I exercised six of seven days and also restarted the Couch25K program along with a posse of awesome, inspiring blog buddies. It’s tough, but so far doable…and I’m very happy with my progress.  I finished w1d2 yesterday! Also, my new virtual personal trainer Jess has been kickin my tail with her PLANK challenge and omgimsosore…but I like the sore feeling because it shows I’ve been working hard.  Overall, my food has been good this week. My dinners have been so-so, but I tried to make up for that with healthier breakfast, lunches, and snacks. I’ve also really been hitting my water goals as well, and striving for a little extra when possible.

Hopefully nobody hates me for my teaser of a first paragraph. I was just trying to go for a laugh since this weigh-in was such a biggie for me and because my Flashback posts have been such downers. By the way, I can’t thank you enough to those that read and commented on those. It’s tough to share some of that stuff. And to those that didn’t…WHATSUPWITDAT??? lol.  I’m gonna try to have another one up this weekend, and it’s a happier post 🙂

I’m off to do the happy dance because my hard work paid off this week…but not getting too cocky because I’ve had three good weeks in a row (numbers wise) and that’s unheard of for me, so I know the scale will show out on me soon.  I just know it!

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(This is the second installment in my “Flashback” series, some pieces written to tell a little more about me, my past, and my journey through weight gain, weight loss, and some other tidbits as well. I hope you enjoy and learn that my weight loss journey started a long time before this blog did on 9/1/09…)
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Today I was looking through an old photo album and ran across some of those classic bad school photos. The kind that make you scratch your head and wonder “What the hell was I thinking?”  I really thought the outfits I wore on picture days back then were good. Maybe it was, back then, but I highly doubt it.  First, I flipped through the pages of me as a baby…so adorable with my blonde hair. I was a cute kid too, and in lots of pics I was flat out SKINNY. Until kindergarten. I noticed a trend that every couple of years I looked a little chunkier. I had fat happy cheeks in that kindergarten graduation pic! Third and fourth grade pics were chunky, as were the following years. I turned the page and saw my photo for the eighth grade and took a longer pause to reflect on that year. It was not a good one, but you couldn’t tell from the huge smile I was wearing in the pic. My mom always taught me that no matter what, always smile for your picture. So I did. She called it my “picture face” and I took it to the next level (and probably still do!) In that pic, I smiled with my hideous purple and black striped shirt, black wrangler jeans, and a haircut that was supposed to look like Luke Perry’s (Dylan) did on 90210. More like 9021-NO.  It actually looked more like Eddie Munster. Or anyone from Jersey Shore these days.

I spent a little too long staring at that eighth grade picture. So many memories, most of them bad. That was the toughest year of school for me.  Moving to a new town, trying to fit in and failing, and most of all: the extreme loneliness. I was already overweight when I started, and after all the teasing and bullying I gained even more weight that year. I remember so desperately wanting to end my life just to end the pain. I thought I would never make it out of that school alive. Looking back, now that I’ve grown up and have had so many hard real life experiences (career, relationships, and finances!), eighth grade was nothing. But you couldn’t have told me that back then.

About halfway through the school year, and approximately 600 boxes of Little Debbie cakes later, I made my first friend in the new town. Megan was also overweight, perhaps that’s what brought us together. The difference is Megan had lived in the town her entire life and knew everyone in the school. Still, she wasn’t what you would call popular. She had friends, but not a ton. She was also sort of an outcast from the popular crowd-but again, nowhere near the degree I was. My first friendship blossomed quickly. We talked on the phone all the time and even hung out after school on several occasions. We seemed to bond by talking badly about the popular people in our class…and truth be told we were probably just as vicious about them as they were about us, but it felt good. Perhaps it was my first dose of free therapy!

The school year ended on a higher note. I ended the year with about three very good friends. I still got picked on, but mostly on the bus ride home. That was the absolute worst part of my day. So after I stepped off the bus, I would head right to the fridge–and then to the couch.  It was a vicious cycle, and looking back now I can see WHY I ate (often times a ton of junk food before a very unhealthy dinner…) and why I ate so much. I used this as an escape from the way the bullying made me feel. Thus, I just got bigger. And bigger, and bigger.

I smiled down at my eighth grade picture–wannabe Dylan hair and all–and remembered how glad I was when that year finally ended. On the same page in the photo album, directly under that school pic, I smiled even bigger at a picture taken on the last day of school that year. It was me and two of the three friends I made that year. My smile in that photo was genuine, so pleased to have met two girls that accepted me and made my new life better. I was also dressed a little better…but not much. My smile faded when I noticed the weight change in the two pictures. I was definitely heavier on the last day of school than on picture day. In fact, I was at my then-all-time-highest weight. I may have been smiling, but on the inside I was still unhappy.

I turned the page in the album and my insides filled with pride.  In the lone photo on the next page, there I stood: still badly dressed (light blue jean shorts, a faded gray Dallas Cowboys tshirt, huge white sneakers, and the thickest glasses ever), but in this picture I was wearing something you couldn’t buy at any clothing store: utter joy. In the pic, I was 55 pounds lighter than I was on that last day of eighth grade..in just a little over 3 months. I held my weight-loss certificate in the picture…and for evidence, it was taped onto the page below the very pic I held it in. The years have faded it a good bit, but it’s still proof of all the hard work I completed that summer, through diet, exercise, and commitment, all towards the goal of going into high school a little bit smaller. A little less overweight. A little less noticeable…and a lot harder to pick on.

Hello all!

I’m baaaack! I’ve tried so hard to catch up on blogs and comment everyone who did new posts as I was gone, but I’m sure I missed some. Sorry…I’ll do better. Before I do the vacation review, it’s time for that pesky little thing called the weekly weigh-in.

Week 28 Results:
Start (9/1/09): 234.8 

Week 19 (1/14/10) 205.9  (+0.2)
Week 20 (1/21/10) 205.3 (-0.6)
Week 21 (1/28/10) 203  (-2.3)
Week 22 (2/4/10) 203.3  (+0.3)
Week 23 (2/11/10) 204.6 (+1.3)
Week 24 (2/18/10) 204.1 (-0.5)
Week 25 (2/25/10) 204.4 (+0.3)
Week 26 (3/4/10) 206.4 (+2)
Week 27 (3/11/10) 203.3 (-3.1)
Week 28 (3/18/10) 201.1 (-2.2)

Total Loss: 33.7 pounds in 28 weeks

Comments: It’s another miracle! I have no idea how I managed to pull this off (details coming…) after the week of fun I had, but I’ll take it. I’m telling you, this is further proof to my theory that my body is “behind” on what I’m doing. I fully expected to name this post: “Vacation Review…aka “How I gained 3 pounds in one week.”  Perhaps I’ll save that title for next week, but I’m hoping not!

I’m thisclose to being back in the 100’s. OMGBECKY!! I am back on track and counting calories and such today, so I’m hoping next week will be THE week. But, I’m a realist and I know that there’s gonna be a price to pay for vacation, so I’ll be okay with next week just being a stay the same week if I am indeed behind on when I see results/punishments. It’s all good tho, because I had a great great time on vacation! What’s that? Wanna see pics? I was hoping you’d say that!!  This trip included a MILESTONE for me (details coming…) and today is also another milestone as it’s the lowest weight I’ve been at since I started the big change on 9/1/09. I would say I feel like dancing, but I’m pretty tired from dancing all weekend combined with the long dance I did this morning after getting off the scale!

Vacation Review:
I went to Louisville, Kentucky for a quick getaway from real life, on Saturday morning through Monday morning. It was a very quick trip, but a very fun trip as well.
The first stop was Hardee’s on Saturday morning for breakfast (Bacon/Egg/Cheese biscuit.)  I was very excited because I haven’t had a good “bad” breakfast sandwich in forever, especially Hardee’s, so I enjoyed every bite!
For lunch, we stopped outside of Nashville at the Loveless Cafe. It’s been on Food Network and there were TONS of pictures on the wall of famous people that had stopped by and ate there and signed pics. They are known for their biscuits (Carol Fay, “The Biscuit Lady” was there that day!!) which are pictured here:

Loveless Cafe Biscuits

Loveless Cafe Biscuits

I’m not sure how they look in the picture, but they were delicious! Also, kinda small. I ate two of them, but sure did want more. I was gonna use the “I’m on vacation!” excuse but still had the calorie budget in my head.  For the main course I ordered the Fried Chicken Tenders with Creamed Corn and Mac and Cheese on the side:

Mmmm. Chicken, Corn, and Mac & Cheese!

I expected to stuff myself (it’s vacaaation!) but I only ate two strips, a few bites of mac and cheese, and about a third of the corn. I was VERY proud, especially when my goal was to indulge!

The trip continued, eventually into Louisville. Once there, we hit up the Louisville Science Center to see an IMAX film about the Titanic (“Ghosts of the Abyss”), which was great because I’m a big time Titanic nerd. While there, we checked out some exhibits:

Exercise Exhibit

And this, ironically, was the only real exercise I got on the trip! About 3 lifts of the weights…haha. Unless you count a ton of walking around town and the zoo (which I do count!) It’s ironic because we had a friggin’ awesome hotel with a GREAT gym. I was excited to use it (even on vacation!) because I can’t afford a gym membership here and was wanting to try out all the machines. Unfortunately, I’m still 18 at heart and woke up with a hangover from hell both mornings and skipped the gym both days. Oops.

There was also an exhibit about the food pyramid and had this big scale with all sorts of food models (good and bad) to see:

Just Say NO! to fruits and veggies!

and for a laugh I put all my fav foods (aka, the bad ones) into the scale for a funny pic. I told yall I don’t like any fruits and most veggies. I do wish I could change that, I really do.

It was soon night time which meant dinner time! We ate at a Bistro Cafe and I got a burger on an English Muffin with “chips” that were fried potato thingies:

English Muffin Burger & Fries

I ate about 3 of the fries (wasn’t really feeling them…) and most of the burger patty. I scraped off a lot of the cheese. I’m weird about eating too much dairy on road trips b/c it makes me feel ill. I did LOVE the idea of a burger on an English Muffin. I had never thought of doing that, and I love the idea because I always end up having to throw away my EM’s because they expire before I can eat that many breakfasts each week!

After dinner, we went to the bar and I drank way too much. I THINK I had a good time but it’s hard to remember details, hehe.

Sunday morning, woke up way too early to a dreary rainy day. We had planned to go to the Zoo that day, and it wasn’t raining hard enough to not go, so we went. It was kinda barely sprinkling, but was rather chilly. With the umbrella, it worked. I won’t bore you with pics of all the animals, but I did get some good ones. Here’s my favorite:

Very friendly gorilla!

This gorilla was so friendly. He stayed up near the glass and let me take about 10 pictures. It was awesome! I love the zoo. We stayed there about 3 hours and did a ton of walking (with lots of hills) so hopefully that worked against some of the vodka I consumed. Oh and I avoided all zoo concession snacks! Yay!

Lunch Sunday was at a Subway-like place called Jimmy Johns. It was delicious. I later found out they were a chain and there’s one about 45 mins from here in a town we frequently go for some retail therapy!

Jimmy Johns Turkey Sub and Chips

After lunch, we wanted to explore (aka, I wanted to find a dessert place and enjoy one dessert!) and do some shopping. We found a great independent book store as well as a music store. But when I found the Chocolate Cafe, I knew it was ON!

omgomg

I ordered a chocolate chip cookie and one caramel:

YUM-but that's not all mine...

THIS was *all* mine, though!

The waitress could see how excited I was for the cookie and even HEATED IT IN THE MICROWAVE for me!!!

Heaven!

Damn that was a good cookie. Glad I only had one, though 🙂

Afterwards we walked about three hundred thousand more miles and then took a two hour nap at the hotel. (I’m 18 at heart, not for real…I had to crash!)

Dinner that night was at the Spaghetti Factory, the place I had picked out as “my” meal for the trip. I got  the Chicken Parmesan dish:

Chicken Parmegini or something like that...

It was pretty good. The pasta was kinda “tough” so I ate about a third of it and most of the chicken. Oh and some bread. For dessert they gave you a free fancy ice cream scoop:

Ice Cream Dream

But again, dairy on road trips is scary for me, so I had about four small bites and came to my senses.

It was now time to get spiffy for night two of bar hopping, and I was SO VERY HAPPY to report I could finally fit into my new outfit and vest!!!

Really glad for all that treadmill time right now!

So now it’s BAR TIME!! (My fav, hehe.) I had noticed one bar was doing KARAOKE on Sunday night. Now, quick tidbit: I love karaoke. I love it, love it, love it. I SUCK at it, but I love it. Last summer, I did karaoke like every weekend. The trick? It was in my LIVING ROOM with friends. I have always been too scared to do it in public. It’s always been on my “life list” but I always chicken out. This time I was gonna try it again. After having a few drinks in the room, and another at the bar, I decided what the hell? I’ll never see these people again, right? So I got the binder, cheered when I saw they had my all time fav song (“Baby Got Back”) and quickly filled out a request slip with the song title and my name. I gave it to the DJ guy and he said I’d be up in 3 songs. I went back to my seat and got pretty sickly feeling because, OF COURSE, the guy singing was doing good. This was only worsened when another guy got up and sang “Run to You” as if he had American Idol auditions the next day. My buzz was quickly wearing off so I ordered a shot from the bar, downed it and waited…still nervous. So I ordered another shot, downed it, and a few mins later he was calling me up on stage. I hadn’t been that nervous in a very, very long time. I don’t like getting up in public, much less singing. But I did it, YAY!

"I like big butts and I cannot lie!"

And you know what? It went great! As soon as the background voice said “OH MY GOD, BECKY…” people were laughing and clapping and I felt better. Then I started “rapping” (cough, sooo not rapping, but whatever!) everyone was dancing and smiling and I wasn’t nervous anymore. It was so much fun! Afterwards, I got lots of applause. Note–I KNOW they weren’t cheering for my singing, I just think they were glad the bar had a pulse. We had been there about 40 minutes and every song had been a slow ballad type song until I rocked the mic (rrrriiigggghhhht!)

A few minutes later, my friend and I did a duet of “Don’t Stop Believing” Glee style (minus the Glee talent, of course!) so I did two songs total. So YAY another thing off my life list! (Along with learning the Thriller dance in 2007!)  What’s next….hmmm stay tuned. Where DID I put that life list anyway?

We ended up at another bar and danced for about an hour or so and then hit the sack and headed home the next morning. I was verrry hungover Monday morning, as apparently the “rock star” lifestyle isn’t suited for me anymore. We stopped for lunch at IHOP because there’s no hangover food like pancakes, right?

YUM!

By this point it was after lunch, and I was pretty dang hongrey, so I ate about 3/4 of this and it was delicious!

I guess that’s about it. We got home Monday afternoon and I resumed my old habits (except exercise, start back to that this afternoon…) of counting calories, water, etc. I give the trip two thumbs WAY up, and after looking back I think I did fairly good eating wise, too. Most places I didn’t eat the whole dish and except for the chocolate place, I didn’t do all the snacking I do back home, which goes to show you most of that snacking is from boredom.

Speaking of, I could use a snack right now…LOL. Thanks for reading!

It’s the tenth and final week of The Perfect Ten challenge!  Here’s how I did on the last week:

Walk/Jog 100 miles (by the end of the challenge)–DONE!!!! I finished this last night (Thu night)…wow did this take a lot of work.  Over the last seven days I’ve walked/jogged (very little jogging mind you…) 24 miles. MY RECORD! I’m so proud of myself but I’m definitely feeling this big time, so achey! I’m ready for a vacation, which luckily starts today!

-Do strength training/toning exercises three times a week (via DVD’s and the Wii Biggest Loser game)–Twice this week! 

-Complete 3 sections of my big writing project–I didn’t write any on my ongoing project, but I did started a new series of “Flashback” entries on here that are using true stories but trying to present in a “fun” to read sort of way. I’m not happy with my writing progress overall, but I did get some done!

-Lose ten pounds–I lose 3.1 pounds this week (!!!) but unfortunately I failed at this overall. I was a big time yo yo in this challenge losing and gaining the same three pounds week to week.

-Set at least one goal for the day, no matter how small, and reach it, everyday. –Everyday, mission accomplished. This has been a wonderful thing to do and I plan on keeping it going.

-Drink at least 80 ounces of water each day–7 out of 7!! YES!!! Every freakin’ day!  I think the Weekend Warriors challenge really helped here.

Something unknown about myself: I can sing just like Shakira when I’m drunk. I mean like mimic her funny voice. But only when intoxicated. If I’m sober I can’t find the voice…lol.  (I mean I can do this in a funny way, not that I can actually sing)  🙂

Enjoyed this challenge everyone!

Before I post my results for the week, I just wanted to thank everyone for the comments on my previous post (Flashback #1)…it took a lot to write that in public and the feedback I got has been so surprising and positive. Thank yall that read and responded so much. You’ll never know how much that means to me. I’m working on post two and hope to have it up soon.

Now, onto bidness…the weigh in!

Week 27 Results:
Start (9/1/09): 234.8 

Week 18 (1/7/10) 205.7  (+1.6)
Week 19 (1/14/10) 205.9  (+0.2)
Week 20 (1/21/10) 205.3 (-0.6)
Week 21 (1/28/10) 203  (-2.3)
Week 22 (2/4/10) 203.3  (+0.3)
Week 23 (2/11/10) 204.6 (+1.3)
Week 24 (2/18/10) 204.1 (-0.5)
Week 25 (2/25/10) 204.4 (+0.3)
Week 26 (3/4/10) 206.4 (+2)
Week 27 (3/11/10) 203.3 (-3.1)

Total Loss: 31.5 pounds in 27 weeks

Comments: I’m so happy! You guys just don’t know how hard I’ve worked this week. It’s been TOUGH!!! Between getting back VERY strict with calorie counting and meal planning as well as ton of exercise trying to finish the Perfect Ten challenge in time (of COURSE I procrastinated and got behind…more on that later!) Anyway, I’m so happy my hard work paid off. If it hadn’t, I might have shed a few tears…I’ve worked THAT hard!

I kept my calories around 1750–1800. The WEEKEND WARRIORS challenge helped a lot, too. I had between 80–110 ounces of water each day and exercised all but Friday. I’m SO PROUD today. Not just because I lost, but because I can feel the hard work in my bones. I am walking verrryyy slowly (think Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler”) because I’m so sore, but I’m determined to finish no matter what it takes!

Perfect Ten challenge update (the final one!) coming soon!!

(This is the first installment in my Flashback series I’ve been wanting to work on. Some will be harder to write than others, but all are true accounts of parts of my life that I hope allow you to learn more about me, my past, and the struggles I’ve dealt with regarding my weight–and how that controlled my life. My journey didn’t start on 9/1/09 when my blog did…it’s been a long, winding road.)

August 25, 1993
Today is my first day at my new school and I can’t believe how good looking all the other kids in my class are. I feel so out of place. It’s my first day in the 8th grade and things sure are different here. I mean EVERYTHING is different. In my old school, I was popular. I knew everyone and they knew me. They accepted me. Here, I’m nothing. Of course, things were different at my old school. It was about one fourth the size of this new one. Everyone knew each other for the most part. This place is huge. Everyone seems so tan, so well built, so blonde. So…perfect. I thought people my age were supposed to be awkward? Sure, there are a good number of kids with braces, like me, but I feel like I’ve walked into a family reunion–someone else’s family. Back home, I was a big deal. Here, I’m just big.

August 27, 1993
Day 3 at the new school. After a few days of scoping the place out, I’m still not digging it. I’m by far the biggest kid in my class, perhaps the whole school. It’s hard to say that for sure since I haven’t seen every kid yet, but based on the looks I get while walking down the hall, I’m quite the sight. I haven’t weighed in a while, but I know I’m big. Real big. I don’t need a scale to tell me that. The eyes of my classmates tell the whole story.

September 15, 1993
Sorry I haven’t written in my journal much lately. I’ve been very depressed. My new school sucks so bad. The teachers and classes are great, a big improvement over my old one, but I have no friends and the other kids here are really mean. Last week, some people in the lunchroom were oinking at me, like a pig. Just writing that sounds so hard to believe. I asked them if they were in 3rd grade, but that just made them laugh harder so I just walked away. I’m so tired of seeing people laugh and point, or just stare at me. After the incident in the cafeteria, I started eating my lunch in a quiet area outside, alone. I usually have a coke and a Snickers bar, so it’s just as easy to eat it there. And much more quiet. None of these idiots to put up with. Today I had two Snickers bars…it was the highlight of a crappy day.

September 18, 1993
I hate it here. Today, a girl in class kept reaching over and pinching me in my side. I heard her calling it my “jelly rolls” to her friend. That’s original. They laughed the entire class, and I know some people sitting around us could hear them. I told her to stop, but she didn’t. Instead, she started poking me trying to show her friend how I would jiggle. I kept waiting for the teacher to make her stop, but I guess he didn’t see. I don’t know what to do. Fight? A girl? But really, fight anyone? I’ve never been in a fight before-with anyone. Back home, there was never a need to fight. I made everyone laugh. I got along with everyone. Here it seems like everyone laughs at me, not with me. I know my parents moved here to get me a better education, but I feel like they’ve ruined my life.

September 19, 1993
I tried to sit in a different seat today, away from the poking girl, but it didn’t work out. This jock told me I was in his spot. So I was back to the seat I hate so much. There wasn’t any poking today, but I could hear them giggling during most of the class. Maybe I’m being paranoid. They can’t still find the fact that I’m overweight THAT funny. Last night, I wrote my mom a long letter asking if I could go back home and stay with my aunt. I could go back to my old school and old friends. I know it’s a long shot, but I’m so miserable here. Yesterday on the bus ride home, some of the guys from the high school were hassling me and one called me a “fatass.” The funny thing was, he wasn’t that skinny himself. I should have said that, but instead I just stared out the window. Writing in my journal is easier than standing up to them, and that makes me feel even worse because deep down, I know I should stand up to them. I talked with my cousin on the phone last night and he said as long as I let them bully me, they would. I know he’s right, but I don’t know if I can do anything about it. I was thinking about going on a diet this morning, but after the day I had when I got home I just ate a lot of junk food. It’s just not worth the effort.

September 30, 1993
Things are still bad here, if not worse. I still haven’t made any friends. A few people will say hello or ask about homework, but no conversation. How can someone as big as I am feel so invisible? I was eating my lunch outside the other day (coke and a candy bar) and some guys were hassling me about eating that at my size. I think I’ll just eat my lunch somewhere private. I could try the bathroom, but that just seems gross. If nothing else I’ll just wait till I get home and eat it with my afternoon ice cream. My mom and I had a long talk last week. She gave me a long speech about how moving here was for the best. She said my education was the most important thing. I know they mean well, but I’ve never been so unhappy. Going to school, riding the bus, facing these people is the worst thing I’ve been through. I’ve never felt so alone. I know that’s why I’m eating more and more, but that’s the only time I’m happy–at night when I’m eating and watching my TV shows. I talk to my Momo back home every night. I miss her so much. She’s been like my best friend because when I was really young, it seemed like I was always staying at her house. Every memory I have is at her house, watching TV and enjoying some good cooking. She’s always been a great listener, too. I love you, Momo.

October 25, 1993
The last month has been awful. The teasing on the bus is at an all time high. The guys from high school are worse than the ones in our building at middle school. A lot of kids in my class have their parents to take them to and from school, but with my parents working an hour away I don’t have that luxury. All I keep thinking about is how next year I will be in the high school building with these idiots. Are all the guys there like these assholes on my bus?
It seems lately all I think about is dying. It sounds crazy, but I’d rather die than live the life I’m in right now with all the teasing and mean people. I’ve thought about suicide, but I’m too chicken to actually do it. My dad has a gun, and it’s not locked up…but still, I could never actually do that. I just hope things get better soon because I don’t know how much more of this I can take…

This morning I had an idea for a series of posts I’m thinking about writing…the subject is very personal to me, though, so I’m weary about writing them. I don’t know why I’m weary, I just am.

I really want to do them, though. The way I thought of writing them was very unique and I think they would be good reads. I had the idea while in the shower this morning. It seems like all my good ideas come to me while I’m in the shower! Weird! Anyway, I keep telling myself, “hell, you post your weight every week, how much more personal can you get?”  But I’m still hesitant.

It’s time for the results of my part of the WEEKEND WARRIORS CHALLENGE!! I want to again thank Brandon for hosting! It’s been so much fun (well, as fun as a weekend of exercising and calorie counting CAN be…)   Here’s how I did:

1. FOOD–Goal was to stay around 2000 calories Sat/Sunday. The tricky part was Saturday I knew we were having dinner at O’Charley’s (my fav!) during SHOPPING SPREE DAY and that Sunday was steak night with my parents who I haven’t seen in two months! So here’s the deal: I think I didn’t do so well at O’Charley’s. I tried, tho. I had the menu pulled up at home trying to plan ahead. When I got there, it was another story when the rolls were actually in front of me. They are my kryptonite! Luckily I had planned by eating a VERY light breakfast and I took my leftovers home for supper! Oh and I had no snacks all day either. It was hard to figure up my calories but I estimated it was between 2300–2500, but that could be way over. Then Sunday I did better (trying to make up for Sat…) so I went very light on breakfast/lunch (I mean verrrry light) and at supper I had a few bites of steak, a grilled chicken breast (my dad made this for me on request b/c he knows I’m dieting!), and of course my baked potato. I cut corners where I could to do well on calories, but I still wanted to enjoy my dinner/time with my parents. I don’t wanna go too overboard on this thing. Of course I don’t have a definite number for Sunday, but just estimating and going by what I put on my potato, etc I know I didn’t go over my 2000 limit for Sunday, I just don’t know how much I ‘made up’ for on Saturday…so I’ll give myself a C+ or a B- for food, but at least I didn’t eat sweets all weekend like I usually do! So THAT’S a win!

2. EXERCISE–I wanted to work on my mileage for the impossibility of what I have left in that damn Perfect Ten Challenge! I was able to get six miles done this weekend. I did ONE HOUR of walking Saturday and then thirty minutes on Sunday! I’m happy. I really wanna try and finish strong on this challenge. I’m so ready to get off the treadmill and do a different exercise tho. I feel like one of those hamsters in the pet store walking on there so much! I probably walked an extra mile Saturday during my SHOPPING SPREE, but I don’t know for sure so I didn’t log it. Btw, I got so many new outfits for cheap prices. I love a bargain!

3. WATER–Goal was to get 80oz on both Saturday and Sunday. For the first time in New Lifestyle HISTORY, I did this on both weekend days! Booyah! And actually, on Sunday, I probably got about 100 in!

4. AVOID–Goal was to avoid baking and drinking alcohol…done! This was a piece of cake (pun intended)…because THIS coming weekend is vacation!! Whooo hooo trip out of town and I SHALL be drinkin’ then! But not baking 🙂

And a shoutout to my fellow Warriors…HOWYOUDUHHIN?

  • Carla from The Right Fit
  • Lynne from Losing Lynne
  • Steve from 265 and Falling
  • Kat from Kat’s Adventures in Dietland
  • Frank from Male Weight Loss Now
  • Erin from Erin Takes Control
  • Sean from Learn Fitness
  • Mac from Get Fit Slowly
  • Andrew from Andrew is Getting Fit
  • Karyn from Fitness Road Trip
  • Josie from 35 and Shrinking
  • Marissa from Fatty Slims Down
  • Jeremy from Stellar Path
  • Mike from SUB6
  • Andrew from 100 Pounds in a Year
  • Brandon from SoLongFatAss
  • Alissa from Gluten Free Pumpkins
  • Ryan from No More Bacon
  • Chad from Reconstructing 30
  • beej from Journey to Satisfaction
  • Hope to hear good reports! 🙂

    Hello and Happy Friday!

    A few weeks ago, my blog friend Brandon did a post about how the weekends are such an obstacle in our diet/exercise programs. I know they always are for me. It seems there’s always a party to go to, a special dinner, or just lots of free time to snack. Not to mention tons of excuses for not exercising. So in a comment to him, I suggested we do a challenge one weekend where we all set goals and see how we do that Monday. Well, the time has come for that challenge! It’s called The Weekend Warrior challenge  and there’s still time to sign up! Just click that link and leave a comment linking back to your own blog post with your goals.

    Here is what I’m hoping to accomplish this weekend:

    1. FOOD–I’m hoping to stay around 2000 calories Saturday and Sunday. The tricky part is gonna be both days I have something going on. Saturday is dinner at O’Charley’s (my fav!) and Sunday is dinner at my parents, who I haven’t seen in like two months! Here I go already with excuses! But this time, I’m planning ahead. I’m gonna go light on the meals/snacks on the other meals of the day and try to make better choices at those dinners to stay within my calorie range.

    2. EXERCISE–My big goal is to work on my mileage for the Perfect Ten. I think I have like 21 miles to do in a week? Nutty. I might not finish, but I’m damn sure gonna try! I’m hoping for at least 30 minutes both Sat and Sun to work on this.

    3. WATER–For once, I’d like to get my 80oz in on both Sat and Sundays. It’s easy to do Mon-Fri, let’s see how it is when it’s part of a challenge.

    4. AVOID–Above all else, my plan is to avoid all alcohol and no baking! This one should be easy since I’m so motivated (and after last Saturday’s BOYS NIGHT OUT I’m not in the mood to drink…)  Plus next weekend is VACATION~! so it’ll be easy to take the weekend off from my bff vodka! 🙂

    Good luck to everyone in the challenge! I’m excited to see how everyone does!!

    I’ve had a really good week in my life, which translates to a not good week on the scale unfortunately. I’m gonna do this post with no whining allowed!

    Week 26 Results:
    Start (9/1/09): 234.8 

    Week 18 (1/7/10) 205.7  (+1.6)
    Week 19 (1/14/10) 205.9  (+0.2)
    Week 20 (1/21/10) 205.3 (-0.6)
    Week 21 (1/28/10) 203  (-2.3)
    Week 22 (2/4/10) 203.3  (+0.3)
    Week 23 (2/11/10) 204.6 (+1.3)
    Week 24 (2/18/10) 204.1 (-0.5)
    Week 25 (2/25/10) 204.4 (+0.3)
    Week 26 (3/4/10) 206.4 (+2)

    Total Loss: 28.4 pounds in 26 weeks

    Comments: It’s sad to see my thirty pound loss drop back into the twenties, but what’s done is done and it’s time to undo the damage. I did exercise this week, but my food choices were just WRONG. No excuses, just wrong, wrong choices. I had a way-too-fun weekend, complete with boys night out to the bar and a trip to the movies to see The Crazies with lots of popcorn. Those choices, plus others, results in two pounds gain! Now I gotta take that off. Hopefully the WEEKEND WARRIOR challenge this weekend will help jumpstart that! (Will post info on that tomorrow, along with my goals!)

    Here’s a quick update on The Perfect Ten challenge:

    Walk/Jog 100 miles (by the end of the challenge)–I added 8 miles to the challenge, making my total 76. In my defense, I was sick the first part of this week and it really hurt my exercise ability. I still did a little something each day except Monday, but not as much as I usually would.

    -Do strength training/toning exercises three times a week (via DVD’s and the Wii Biggest Loser game)–Only once this week.

    -Complete 3 sections of my big writing project–I didn’t get any writing done this week. (Lots of reading, tho!) Can I just say EVERYONE should read the book “Shutter Island”…it’s SO FREAKING GREAT!!!!

    -Lose ten pounds–How about GAIN TWO? ugh!

    -Set at least one goal for the day, no matter how small, and reach it, everyday. –I did this everyday except Sunday, where I lived in hangover land…no goals there!

    -Drink at least 80 ounces of water each day–6 out of 7 days, one more than usual!

    Something unknown about myself: I love getting mail. It’s the first thing I do when I get home is check the mailbox. Even if it’s a bill, I still enjoy getting something.  Especially if it’s a package from Amazon or Ebay!! 🙂

    Hope everyone is doing well. Here’s to next week reporting a LOSS!!!