This post is going to be the true definition of UPS and DOWNS as I mention in my headline thingie up thurr. I just hope my theories are right in the long run. Oh, it’s also kind of a gross post…beware!

OK, so I haven’t posted in like two weeks.  Did I fall off the wagon again? No. Did I fall into the hospital again? Why, yes. But before I get ahead of myself, let’s talk about week one, and the incredible, delightful, inspiring, rewarding, and truly awesome weigh in I had.

Last week’s weight (2/23/11): 206.8
3/2/11 Weight: 199.7
Loss: 7.1 pounds!!!!!

OH YEAH BABY! I hit ONEDERLAND yet again (barely) and had an INCREDIBLE Biggest Loser loss!! It made the previous week’s lackluster number seem worth all the hunger and exercise, and I was smiling all day…for the most part. (I’ll get to that…) Sure, I thought “this number can’t be right” and weighed again and again and still got the same number. Clothes were looser, so maybe it was true? Maybe? 

As happy as I was with that weigh-in (and trust me, I was THRILLED…) I wasn’t feeling like myself. This was on Wednesday, and starting that previous Monday I had been feeling very weak and just…weird. Part of it was worrying, because I was…well, passing blood in my number twos.  Gross, I know, but there’s no other way to say it. When I say passing blood, I mean red and black, and if any of you have ever had GI problems before, you know that black/tarry blood is “old blood” meaning it’s coming from up higher, like your stomach, whereas red blood is “fresh” and could be from your bum, something small like a tear or something. Unfortunately, mine was a mixture of both and it was getting worse. By Wednesday, I was freaking out big time and planned my doctor visit for Thursday. Real quick: to make what could be a long story short, I’ve had these problems before. I’ve been hospitalized twice (in 2002 and 2004) for passing (black) blood and have had scopes and tests out the ying yang (had both the throat cam and the butt cam) and they didn’t see anything. No ulcers, nothing. So since the cams don’t show your intestines, the doctor prescribed me Prevacid for what he thought had to be an ulcer in my intestines. Ok that’s fine, and I’ve been happily ever after ever since. Except, I kinda sorta stopped taking my Prevacid for a few weeks, then I’d take it a few days, then not, then would, then not for a month, then would, (all for no reason, mind you…) and wham—all of a sudden I’m bleeding again, and right before the NEW YORK trip that’s right around the corner. I cried, even when I had my big weight loss number, nothing mattered, because I was bleeding inside, and that’s just the scariest thing.

Ok so then Wednesday afternoon things started looking up. The “color” was lighter. Wednesday night it was even better, and by Thursday morning the bleeding had stopped, as far as I could see toilet-wise. WHOOOHOOO!! But I still went to the doctor and we assumed it might be hemorrhoids, since it had cleared up. (I didn’t tell him I had doubled up on Prevacid trying to make up for missing so much…) After my lecture for not taking my iron pills and also for having an incredibly low blood count, I was on my way home ready to get back to normal. I’m SO pale b/c I don’t take my iron pills (they make me feel so so bad…) but I vowed to my doc AND myself I was really taking them this time, like no joke.  A few hours later, around bedtime, all hell broke loose. I was walking Sookie before time to turn in and became unbelievably nauseated. I thought I was gonna lose it in the yard. I had to bring her inside before she even finished and I barely made it to the bathroom in time. It was ridiculous, black, and red, like a hemorrhage. A few minutes later it happened again. I was more scared than ever, and my heart was racing, I knew it was nerves mostly, and I was so sad that my theory was wrong and that I definitely was not okay inside. I started packing my hospital bag, feeling like an ER trip would be in the works overnight, and laid down. I slept the night away but woke up the next morning and had another episode before work, but this time I was so dizzy I almost fainted. The room got blurry and I had to just sit flat down till I could see straight. Needless to say I skipped work, called the doc as soon as they opened, and he told me to come on down to the hospital.

He saved me a long wait and checked me out at his office and actually admitted me from there (which is right across the street) so I just got to go right into my room. My liquid diet was started, as well as a laxative prep for my colonoscopy the next (Sat) morning—a total of 32 laxative pills, how’s that for a fun filled Friday night? You can imagine where I spent the majority of the night, I was truly miserable and still passing blood. Sat morning I was taken down super early for another throat cam and butt cam (thankfully not using the same cam for both procedures!)  On the coolest note of all, and pretty much the only fun moment of the hospital stay, as they were prepping me for my procedure I heard the anesthesiologist ask for whatever mg of Propofol. Yes, the same drug my fav Michael Jackson took to sleep at night and eventually died from. I yelled “PROPOFOL? LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON?” and he laughed and said yes. I told him that was like the coolest moment ever and he laughed and that’s pretty much all I remember after that. So me and Michael Jackson now have two things in common: we both love us some Propofol and we both know the Thriller dance!

An hour or so later I was woke up (with no groggyness-no wonder he took that drug every night, that was some GOOD SHIT!) and also no memory of being probed (thank God!) and the first thing I asked the doc was if it was cancer. You know me; I always go right to the worst case scenario. He said he didn’t see any evidence of that, but had biopsied me insides, and also said he saw no polyps. What he did see, however, was a big ole ulcer in my small intestine way up there. He said it was just luck they were able to see it since they usually can’t see that on the butt cam. I guess they shoved that thing way up in there. Oh well, whatever gets results I guess. He said for some reason it had stopped bleeding, and that he would visit me later to discuss what was ahead for me in the future. Uh oh…

So, I was sent back to my room, still on a liquid diet. I was starving and agitated, not in pain, I actually felt good, I was just HONGREY. Sat night was miserable, but luckily my parents, aunt, and Brad came down to support me, even though starving, liquid-diet-Craig is no fun to be around. I joked around to Brad that this was one way to keep me from drinking (because that weekend marked a full month with no alcohol)—I had planned to celebrate the 30 day mark, but the only drinking I was gonna be doing was chicken broth. Boo hiss.

The next day I was upgraded to “ALL” liquids, which included pudding and mashed potatoes. You’ve never seen a happier person-all over pudding. I was eating pudding like it was filet mignon and that night I got Brad to sneak me in a milkshake from Chick Fila and I swear to GOD it was the best moment ever. I was hungry and depressed and that was just the best tasting thing ever and oh so needed. The doctor came by and said I was gonna have to stay Sunday night as well (WHY????) to observe as I changed over to real food again. Wha? Real food—okay I’ll stay!  He also had to break the news (with pictures!) of the ulcer and stuff. It looked like a beast. He had no idea why it had started bleeding, why it stopped, anything, but said it really needed to be taken out. As in, surgery. He went deeper and said he would have to open me up the old fashioned way and the recovery would be painful. Gulp. I explained my awesome upcoming trip to NYC to see Wrestling, Kathy Griffin, Wendy Williams, and Janet Jackson and how it meant the world to me (and the fact I had midterms that week) and he said I could take some time to think about it and as long as I wasn’t bleeding, to take it easy, monitor myself (he knows how obsessive I am about watching when things aren’t going right), and we could set up a surgery date once I got back in town from the trip, assuming I hold together till then. (We leave this Wed, 3/16 and return Sunday, 3/20). I was really down about the surgery, but tried like hell to keep a positive attitude. They also ended up giving me three bags of blood in the hospital because my blood count got down to TWENTY TWO (!!!!) which scared the staff big time I think. The doc was really worried about me, and then that got me scared too. But getting the blood was kinda fun, as you guys know I’m a big True Blood fan and luckily my nurse was too. I even did my best “Bill” voice for her after the first bag and she got a kick out of it. I was eventually discharged Monday afternoon and got some real food in me and took it easy the next day off work, too. I was feeling weak, still some light dizzy moments, and scared of the surgery but what can ya do, you know?  I also got my meds filled and have been taking them religiously, even the icky iron.

So this brings us to the second weigh-in this blog was about-this week’s. I was really interested to see how much I lost from being in the hospital. After eating a lot less leading up to the hospital visit because of nerves, being put on a liquid diet for a few days with a THIRTY TWO pill laxative clean out, I was expecting another Biggest Loser moment on the scale. I woke up bright and early Wednesday, showered, and then stepped on the scale for another surprise, this one not quite as awesome at all:

Last week’s weight (3/2/11): 199.7
3/9/11 Weight: 205.3
Loss GAIN: 5.6 pounds (!!!!!)

Excuse me??!!!??? Let me get this straight, I starved, was cleaned out beyond belief, and gained almost six pounds back? Amazing. Not to mention when I first got on the scale it was saying I had gained a little over six…but I always weigh several times to get the most accurate reading in case one is a fluke and this one came up a few times. I was floored. I’m pretty sure it was all the fluids they had me on via IV or something like that, because I def didn’t eat the calories to gain even one pound, at least science wise. A few days I was way under 1000 calories and the other ones I was barely over 1000. Yes, I counted calories in the hospital. I told you I loved MyFitnessPal!

Even though I was shocked the more I thought about it, I realize I was on an IV for four days so hopefully this will go away on this coming week’s weigh in. But really, at this point, my health is my #1 concern. Okay, okay, maybe #2…I’m really concerned about the NYC trip going well, hehe. I also thought maybe my “7 pound loss” the previous week was a random fluke where I was really having a “light day”, so I’m trying not to obsess about it too much (even though I think about it every few hours!)

As far as how I’ve been feeling this week, better each day. I haven’t seen any more bleeding, or any evidence of it, but I’m still very weak because my blood count got so low I guess. I had some dizzyness on Wed and especially Thursday, but they were quick spells that weren’t cause for alarm. Of course, I haven’t had the energy to even consider working out, and have busied myself trying to catch up on my online classes as well as my desk at work, which looked like a bomb had went off when I returned on Wednesday. Diet wise, I’ve not stopped counting calories at all, but I have gone over my limit a few days trying to refuel my tank. I think I was almost starving myself to lose weight (so stupid) and I know that didn’t help my problems inside and might have even helped cause them. So I’ve been eating more than I was the last month, but not really bad foods or snacks. I’m basically just trying to hold steady until my body is feeling back to where it was before all this happened. We’ll see how that goes on this week’s weigh-in, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried that not exercising and eating more will lead to another gain, or no loss, but right now there are more important things going on.

It’s now Saturday when I’m writing this entry, and we leave for NYC in FOUR DAYS!!! I’m so excited. We got our confirmation to be in the audience for the Wendy Williams Show (How you doooooinn??) and then THE VIEW called yesterday (we sent in several requests to different shows in case they were all full…) but we decided not to go, the guest was someone boring and I’m not a fan of the show anyway. But, it was still cool to have them call us. How random: The View calling a couple of nobodys in Mississippi! Can’t wait to see Wendy, though! The episode will air on Monday, March 21st so set your DVR’s! 🙂

Longest blog ever. Sorry yall. I tried to make it interesting. Not sure when I’ll post this week, since we leave Wed and that’s my usual weigh-in day. I might weigh on Tuesday to get it out of the way or something. We’ll see. If you have time, include me in your prayers that my ulcer will hold strong for a while. I want to try and wait to have my surgery until May when classes are over so that will be one less stressor to deal with. He did kind of warn me that if I started bleeding again he’d have to go ahead and do it, and for some reason if I have the surgery while it’s actively bleeding, there’s a bigger risk of me having to have a colostomy bag. What the what? That scared me!  I’ll definitely keep everyone posted on what happens, though. I’m going to try and not even start worrying about the upcoming surgery until it gets closer because there’s really nothing I can do about it, and I feel worrying will just upset my body even more. Until then, thanks for reading all about my drama and I hope everyone has a terrific weekend!